I am ashamed to admit that much of my life has been consumed by a desire to be famous in some way. I think I can be honest with myself about that now because I’ve finally realized that it will never happen, and I’m cool with that.
I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about what my life would be like if I actually was famous. Now that I think about it, I would probably hate being famous. I never handle it very well when I receive a lot of attention. So the desire makes no sense. But it seems like it has always been a discreet motivating factor in everything I’ve ever worked hard at. I remember wanting to be a major league baseball player when I started tee-ball. At some point I decided skateboarding was much cooler, so I did that instead. At some later point, it became music. The funny thing is that I was at best mediocre at all of it. The tragic thing is that I actually loved those things too, and I still do. My love for those things has always been tainted by the cancerous desire for recognition. So basically, I helped kill the things I loved.
I’ve only been alive since ‘81, but I think I’m old enough to legitimately declare that the cancer is spreading now like it never has before, completely destroying the culture we grew up in as it multiplies. Maybe this kind of cancer has always existed, and I’m just now old enough to comprehend how incredibly destructive it is. But it makes me sick, and since I contributed to its spread in a way, I feel some burden of responsibility to do something about it.
Look at the Southern California music scene. By and large, crap… from a bunch of kids who just want to be stars. They have no soul and don’t really care about anything. And they know it, and it doesn’t seem to bother them all that much. Look at the skaters now. Or better yet, talk to some of them. I’ll suspend any further comments so that you can experience it for yourself. It just wouldn’t have the same impact if I tried to tell you about it. I will warn you, though, that if you love skateboarding, or ever did, you may weep or get frustrated or angry or something along those lines.
I would guess that many other aspects of the culture we grew up in and around are suffering a similar fate. I don’t know exactly what to attribute it to ultimately. I think it has something to do with pocket linings. Check out the documentary out on the early days of skateboarding. As soon as Tony Alva came out with the first advertisement that had nothing at all to do with skateboarding, he started to rake it in, and everyone followed suit. Being cool sold a hell of a lot better than skateboards.
I don’t have any problem with people making a buck. I love to see skateboarders and musicians, and even pro athletes, making money, but somewhere along the line the ones making the money lost touch with the scene, and it was poisoned. The scene started to be influenced by those who didn’t care about it. I’m not pretending that I was there from day one to watch all this happen. It started before I was born. But it took a while to play out. And it’s all in pretty bad shape now. Whether or not the sad state of things now has anything to do with economics, I don’t know for sure. All I know is that it’s sad.
All that being said, my point in mentioning it is not to lament the loss of the good old days when people played music and skated and did other things just because they loved doing them. I’m tempted to whine about the fact that the vast majority of those who get famous (and therefore have the greatest influence on scenes), are soul-less image pawns who wouldn’t do what they do if it weren’t for the fame, but that’s pointless, and there’s a lot of people who could do it better than I could. I think things can change, though, because all of us (even kids who have bought into the idea that being famous is cool in and of itself) still have the capacity to be blown away by those who have soul and who care about what they do. I come across people like this from time to time, and I wish they were famous. Damnit, they really ought to be famous. Of course I realize that I’m biased, but I believe with all my heart that if everyone shared my bias, the world would be a much better place for it. Wow, that’s kind of pretentious. It scares me to think of that statement coming out of the mouth of some people. But since it’s me, I guess I’ll stand by it.
So my new goal is to help those who ought to be famous become famous, and maybe having a blog will help, although I’m under no illusion that anyone other than a few of my friends will actually read it. Oh well, “a bluster for the soul, a fix for the mind.”